What is Newborn Burnout? And How Postpartum Burnout Counseling Can Help
So many new moms have this thought: “I love my baby - more than I ever thought was possible. But I’m also exhausted - in a way I didn’t know was possible.”
The coffee is cold again. There are pacifiers in your bed, a burp cloth hanging off your shoulder like a badge of honor, and you’re trying to remember the last time you showered in peace, without a baby crying in the background. You adore this tiny human so, so much, but you’ve never felt stretched so thin, so on edge, so tired.
You snap at your partner for taking too long in the bathroom (again), and feel so disconnected from having that kind of luxury. You have no concept of what day it is. And even though everyone tells you to “enjoy every moment,” all you want is ten minutes alone without anyone needing something from you. It feels like it’s all on you - to keep track of the baby’s schedule, to wake up with them in the night, and even if you did have help, you know no one else in your life would do it “right”. If this sounds familiar, you might be experiencing newborn burnout - a very real, very common, and very under-discussed part of new motherhood.
Let’s talk about what newborn burnout really is, what it looks like, and how postpartum counseling can support you through it. You deserve to not just “get through” this time in your life, but get support so that you can find moments of joy (and rest!) in it.
What is Newborn Burnout?
Maybe you’ve heard the term “mom burnout” before - the physical and emotional exhaustion that many moms struggle with in response to the demands of parenting. Newborn burnout (also sometimes referred to as “postpartum burnout”) is a type of mom burnout that new moms experience during the postpartum period, especially in the first few months after birth. Feeling tired to some degree is normal - but moms who deal with newborn burnout feel drained and depleted on every level, like they’re running on fumes but can’t take a moment to breathe because the demands never end.
Unlike postpartum anxiety or depression (which are diagnosable mental health conditions that often warrant professional intervention - check out my page on postpartum counseling for more information on this topic), burnout isn’t a clinical diagnosis - but that doesn’t make it any less real to the many moms who experience it. Think of it as the emotional wear-and-tear that comes with relentless caregiving, with limited rest or support.
This kind of burnout is unique to the postpartum experience because it arises from the combination of sleep deprivation, postpartum hormonal changes, identify shifts and the overwhelming responsibility of keeping a tiny human alive. Thanks to our abysmal maternity leave policies in the US, many women are dealing with all of these pressures alone, while their partner may have already had to return to work. At the same time, they are also dealing with societal pressures to “bounce back” as soon as possible and “be grateful” for the opportunity to become a parent.
Having newborn burnout doesn’t mean you’re not a good mom (spoiler: you are). But when you are giving out so much more care to yourself than you’re putting in, it’s inevitable you are going to feel irritable, frustrated, resentful, or even numb.
What Does Burnout Look Like in New Moms?
Burnout doesn’t show up the same way in everyone - but here are some common threads that weave through the postpartum experiences of new moms struggling with burnout:
Feeling like you’re “on” all the time, without a moment to pause and breathe
Finding yourself over-reacting (snapping, crying yelling) more easily, or conversely feeling emotionally flat and numb
Experiencing mom rage, or sudden unexpected bursts of anger
Fantasizing about disappearing for a day or running away
Feeling intense resentment towards your partner
Feeling like you can’t trust anyone else to take care of your baby the “right” way, and that it’s all on you
Struggling with a postpartum identity crisis, or feeling totally disconnected from your pre-baby self
Intense fatigue, brain fog or difficulty focusing
Postpartum Fatigue
Fatigue is one of the most immediate and intense parts of the postpartum experience - and it’s also a major contributor to newborn burnout. As a new mom, the exhaustion might feel so deep that it’s seeped into your bones.
You might wake up feeling more tired than when you went to bed. You might dread the evenings because you know bedtime will be never-ending and sleep will be scarce, if it comes at all. You might find yourself brought to tears out of sheer exhaustion, feeling like you don’t have the mental capacity to get through another day’s schedule without a break.
Fatigue affects not just your energy levels but your mood, patience, ability to focus and your emotional resilience. Research shows that poor sleep quality is a significant, if not the most significant contributor to postpartum mental health concerns - one study even found that among women with poor sleep quality, their risk of postpartum depression was 3.34 times higher than women with good sleep quality.
Unfortunately, because our culture tends to glorify “pushing through” fatigue to “do it all”, many new moms feel guilty for admitting how exhausted they are, like it is a character flaw, or there’s something wrong with them for being so tired postpartum. In reality, postpartum fatigue is an often inevitable part of the postpartum experience - it’s not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign that it’s time to ask for help.
What Causes Burnout During the Postpartum Period?
Exhaustion and Sleep Deprivation
Nothing can prepare you for the level of exhaustion that comes with being a new mom. Most new moms expect to be tired, but they don’t expect to feel like they were running a marathon on zero sleep with constant wailing in their ears. Chronic sleep deprivation wears down your body, your mind, and your capacity to cope with stress.
Being Overstimulated and Overwhelmed
As a new mom there are so many overwhelming new sounds, smells, pressures and responsibilities - our brains can go on overdrive processing it all. Especially for moms who have ADHD or are neurodivergent, it can be a lot to process and adapt to all at once. Your brain is spending so much energy trying to stay calm in the midst of all of this chaos and urgency that you feel even more overwhelmed, depleted and burnt out, and you have no energy left to even begin to think about what you need for yourself at the end of the day.
Perfectionism and Unrealistic Expectations
So many moms feel the pressure to do everything perfectly - the images that we’re surrounded by in movies, TV and on social media can create totally unrealistic expectations for what being a new mom is actually like. It can feel like there’s an unspoken rule to feel nothing but joy during the newborn stage. When the reality feels different, many new moms struggle with a deep sense of shame that they’re doing something wrong, or not cut out to be a mom.
Constant Caregiving
Feeding, changing, rocking, soothing, pumping, repeat. The mental and physical load of caring for a newborn is relentless - and often feels like it falls disproportionately on new moms, especially if your partner has to return to work early, or if you choose to breastfeed. We can get so caught up in the pressure to keep our new babies alive that taking care of our own needs becomes an afterthought.
Adapting to a New Role, Identity and Responsibilities
Motherhood changes your sense of self - it just does. You might feel unrecognizable in your own body, unsure of your role, or disconnected from who you were before having a baby. The things that made you feel confident or like “yourself” pre-baby may no longer be things that you have time for, or value in a different way. All of this can feel incredibly confusing and disorienting, and many women experience the sense of a postpartum identity crisis.
Isolation and Lack of Support
The isolation as a new mom can feel really intense. Your pediatrician may recommend not bringing your baby around many people until they get their shots, prolonging the sense of aloneness and lack of support that many new moms experience. Especially if your partner has to return to work early, if you don’t have many mom friends or don’t live closeby to family, it can be really hard to get your needs for social support met during the postpartum period. They say “it takes a village” - we weren’t meant to do this alone, but it can sure feel incredibly lonely.
Recovering from Newborn Burnout
The good news is, burnout isn’t permanent. With the right support, rest and care, you can recover from burnout and feel more like you again. Here are some tips for self-care strategies to recover from newborn burnout:
Name It
Sometimes just saying out loud what you’re going through and giving it a name can bring some relief. Instead of ignoring your feelings or pressuring yourself to push through, name it: “I’m feeling burnt out”. It will help you stop blaming yourself, feel more validated and give you the language to be able to communicate about what’s going on to others in your life.
Lower the Bar
Relieve yourself of the pressure to do it all. Dishes can wait. Clean clothes can be optional. Say no to things that drain you, and celebrate what’s going well. Is your baby gaining weight? Did you make it through your first week without crying? These are no small feats in the postpartum world, and it’s important to let yourself feel proud of your successes rather than dwelling on your shortcomings.
Ask for Help
Motherhood is not the time to be a martyr - neglecting your own needs doesn’t help you or your baby. Let people bring meals, hold the baby or fold your laundry. Make sure that your partner really understands what you’re carrying, and work together to figure out how they can help shoulder some of the burden. People don’t know what we’re struggling with until we tell them, especially when we work so hard to appear put-together on the outside.
Find Moments to Rest
If you can find 45 minutes to take a nap, great. On days where it doesn’t happen, you don’t need to forgo rest completely - even taking 10 minutes to breathe, stretch, or drink your coffee in peace can feel restorative. Work together with your support system to find ways to make it happen.
Talk About It
Whether it’s with a friend, your partner, or a postpartum therapist, getting emotional support from another person about what you’re dealing with can help break the shame spiral. Talking to other moms will help you to realize that you’re not alone, and so many new moms struggle with burnout. A good friend or therapist can help you brainstorm ways to prioritize your needs and find ways to get them met.
How Postpartum Burnout Counseling Can Help
Sometimes, dealing with all the pressures of motherhood on your own just feels too overwhelming. Postpartum burnout counseling can be a lifeline for new moms who feel like they’re drowning under the weight of early motherhood, and need someone to hold them accountable to make a change
Postpartum therapy gives you the space to:
Process your emotions without judgment - You can say the things you’re scared to say out loud - like “I didn’t expect motherhood to feel this hard” - and be met with compassion and understanding. A therapist can help you normalize and make sense of these complicated feelings, and learn to cut yourself some slack.
Understand what’s fueling your burnout - A therapist can help you identify patterns, beliefs, and circumstances that are contributing to your exhaustion. If you’re someone who feels like they can’t ask for help, therapy can help you understand where this belief comes from, and support you to challenge it.
Explore your identity shift - Who are you now that you’re a mother? Who do you want to be? What is important to you? Postpartum burnout counseling gives you space to explore those questions with patience and intention.
Build coping tools - From mindfulness to challenging unhelpful thought patterns to boundary-setting, your therapist can equip you with strategies to reduce overwhelm and self-doubt, and help you to feel more grounded and in-control.
Learn how to communicate - Communicating pre and post-baby, especially with a partner, are two totally different sets of skills. All of a sudden you both have less time and freedom, but more things need to get done. Learning skills to communicate, delegate and set boundaries can help you to have less conflict in your relationship and feel less resentment.
Most importantly, therapy gives you a space where for once, you are the one being cared for. Where your needs are most important. By starting to make this space for yourself, healing can begin.
Leave the New Mom Burnout Behind
You were never meant to do this alone. Newborn burnout does NOT mean that you’re failing - it means you’ve been carrying too much, for too long, without enough support. That might feel like the norm in our culture, but it doesn’t have to be your norm.
If you’re feeling burned out, know that it’s okay to ask for help. Postpartum burnout counseling can be a crucial step toward reclaiming your energy, your identity, and your sense of self. You deserve rest, you deserve care, and you deserve to feel like you again.
Ready to take the first step? Reach out today to learn more about postpartum burnout counseling. You don’t have to keep running on empty. Let’s get you the support you need - because even the strongest moms need to be held sometimes.
Related Posts:
How Mindfulness Can Help You Be a More Present Mom
Understanding Postpartum Anxiety
New Parent Anxiety: How Postpartum Therapy Can Help
The Myth of the Perfect Mother: How to Break Free from Perfectionist Parenting
Mental Health Resources for New Moms in Denver
5 Ways Therapy Can Help Overwhelmed Moms Recovery from Burnout
Postpartum Identity Crisis? Here’s How Postpartum Anxiety Therapy Can Help
How to Cope with Return to Work After Maternity Leave
Other Services at Root to Rise Therapy:
Other mental health services at Root to Rise Therapy include Therapy for Anxiety, Therapy for Perfectionism, Therapy for People-Pleasing,Cultural Identity Counseling, ADHD Therapy, Counseling for Moms and Postpartum Counseling. I see clients located inColorado, New York and New Jersey. Contact me to learn more about how I can help you overcome anxiety and reclaim your life!
