How to Cope with Return to Work After Maternity Leave
You’re standing in your kitchen reheating coffee for the third time, baby monitor in one hand, work laptop open on the counter, and your heart is stuck somewhere between dread and anticipation. The clock is ticking down on your maternity leave, and whether you’ve loved being home, struggled through it, or both, you’re likely feeling a flood of emotions as you get ready to return to work.
Maybe you’re grieving the slow mornings and baby snuggles. Maybe you're secretly counting the days until you can have a conversation that doesn’t involve spit-up or nap schedules. Or maybe you’re just exhausted and can’t even begin to imagine how you’ll juggle it all.
If you're feeling scared, anxious or depressed about going back to work after maternity leave, you’re not alone. Many, if not most moms feel overwhelmed by the transition - and some even consider whether they should quit work after maternity leave altogether. This post is here to normalize the big feelings, offer guidance on the logistical and emotional challenges, and help you find your footing as you return to work after having a baby.
Depression, Anger and Other “Big Feelings”
Returning to work after maternity leave isn’t just a change in your routine - it’s an emotional earthquake. Some moms feel deep sadness, others feel resentful or angry, and many bounce between extremes. You might grieve the time you’re losing with your baby, or feel frustrated that your identity is shifting in ways you didn’t expect. Sometimes it can feel hard not to get angry at a system that doesn’t seem to support young parents starting families - as of 2023, only 27% of workers in the U.S. had access to paid family leave. If you are lucky enough to be covered through a paid leave program either by your employer or state government, they vary widely in terms of how many weeks are paid and at what percentage of pay. So many parents are forced to return to work earlier than they feel ready for financial reasons, and of course we are going to feel frustrated and angry when this happens. It can feel like some of our first parenting choices are being robbed from us, and we are at the mercy of the powers that be.
It’s also incredibly common to feel anxious about all the unknowns - from pumping at work to if your brain still works the way it used to, to what it will feel like to get 8+ hours less with your baby every day, and how your family will manage the new routine. Some women feel depressed about returning to work after maternity leave, struggling to picture a future where they can be a working parent and still be fulfilled and happy. Maybe you’re experiencing some version of all of these feelings. All of it is valid, real and normal. It’s a huge transition, and big change is going to bring big feelings.
Logistical Planning for Returning to Work
Alongside all of these feelings is the very real need to make a plan. If you find yourself procrastinating and postponing planning the logistics around your return to work, you’re not alone - we tend to avoid things that make us feel stressed, anxious or bring up negative feelings. But having a plan can help set expectations and ease the transition to make it smoother and less chaotic for your family. This is something you and your partner can (and should!) do together, and consulting with a trusted friend or loved one who has already made this transition can be incredibly helpful in providing guidance too. Here are some things to consider when planning for returning to work after maternity leave:
Feeding - If you’re formula feeding, this part of the planning can be a little bit more straightforward - focus on trying to create some semblance of a schedule that you can communicate to your childcare provider so that your baby can have some consistency in their feeding schedule, and you know how much they’re eating each day. If you’re breastfeeding, start thinking about what your pumping schedule will look like, where you can pump and store milk at work, and what other supplies you might need (like a cooler bag, ice packs and a pump you’re comfortable transporting). Meeting with a lactation consultant before you return to work can be helpful in getting some questions answered and making a plan that works for both you and your baby’s needs (check out this page for some great lactation resources). If you’re returning to work once your baby has already started solids, think about if you need to prepare food for them each day ahead of time (making big batches can be helpful!) and if there are certain types of daycare-approved containers that you might need on hand.
Childcare - Finding a childcare provider that you feel comfortable with is a huge part of the emotional puzzle - if you can trust that your child is being lovingly cared for, it can really ease feelings of anxiety, fear or doubt. Don’t be afraid to consider all options (including creative ones!) and consult with friends or family to find out what has worked for them. Local parent Facebook groups can be great for learning about other families’ experiences with the resources in your area, or getting trusty referrals. Daycares, nannies, nanny-shares, family members, friends, or cobbling together part-time work schedules - there are so many options when it comes to childcare, and it’s important to do your research before deciding what’s best for your family. You may surprise yourself when you discover what option is best for you.
Sleep - Returning to work when you’re still waking in the night with your baby can be really tough, and contribute to fatigue, brain fog and general exhaustion. Talking to your partner about this and creating a plan is really important, especially if you’re both back at work full-time. Consider taking shifts, alternating nights, or even blocking off time on your schedule for naps if possible. If it’s financially feasible, having a night doula come every once in awhile to cover nights with your baby can be helpful in catching up on some zzz’s. And if you feel your baby may be ready for sleep training, talk to their pediatrician to find out how you and your partner can facilitate this in a way that feels comfortable for you - getting a good night’s sleep can be huge in setting yourself up for success when you return to work.
Communication, Communication, Communication
Open communication with your partner and loved ones is one of the most important factors in setting yourself up for success as you return to work. Returning to work after maternity leave is not a solo mission, and requires ongoing discussion, collaboration and compromise. There are so many decisions to be made - who is going to handle drop-offs, sick days, cooking dinner, laundry, bedtime - any many more. It’s also crucial to be checking in emotionally with each other - who is feeling stretched too thin, not getting enough time for themselves, not getting enough quality time with the baby, or having expectations that aren’t being met. Setting aside time for a weekly check-in can be a really helpful tool in planning your week both logistically and in addressing emotional needs - they’re often connected, and creating balance in your schedule can help each of you to feel like your emotional needs aren’t being neglected.
When two people in a partnership are feeling burnt out, our instinct can sometimes be to lash out and defend ourselves. Reframing to try and focus on working together as a team is really important in feeling supported and connected - remember, each of you is probably just wanting to feel seen and valued, and you'll achieve this much faster working together than when you put up a wall or place blame.
Mom Guilt After Maternity Leave
Oh, the mom guilt - it can really be relentless. You feel like you’re not doing enough at home, or at work, worry that you’re missing milestones, and beat yourself up for letting someone else raise your baby.
In our 21st century world where women are expected to do it all while raising children, the mom guilt is unfortunately, inevitable. It may start soon after giving birth and spike when you return to work, but as many seasoned moms can attest to… it never really goes away. For the next 18 years (let’s be real, probably the rest of your life) mom guilt will be there in some way shape or form, casting feelings of doubt or guilt as you and your kids navigate transition after transition. The important thing to remember about mom guilt is that it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong - it means that you care deeply about being the best parent you can be to your child, and that the world we live in sets unrealistic expectations about what this looks like while providing minimal support to help mothers achieve it.
Instead of trying to suppress, get rid of or give in to your mom guilt, try naming it and reframing your perspective. When it creeps up, try telling saying “there goes my old friend, mom guilt again” and reminding yourself:
I go to work so that I can provide my child with the material things they need in life.
I’m modeling strength and independence for my child.
It’s important to show my child that they can be loved and cared for by people that aren’t me.
I’m showing my child that women can be loving mothers and working professionals at the same time.
Your Postpartum Identity
The return to work can bring up all kinds of existential questions like, Who even am I now? You may feel like a completely different person trying to step back into an old role. Your priorities, capacity and even sense of self have all shifted. Some moms experience a postpartum identity crisis after they return to work. Coping with these shifts can even bring on symptoms of postpartum anxiety, depression or other perinatal mental health conditions.
You might feel a strong pull toward being home more, and that doesn't mean you're no longer ambitious or don’t care about your job. It means that becoming a parent is one of the biggest identity shifts that you can go through in life, and it takes time for the other parts of yourself to come into balance. Or, you might surprise yourself with how ready you feel to dive back into your career, which is also completely normal.
There is no one “right” way to be a working mom. This time in your life is about integrating your new identity as a mother with the other parts of you that you still value. You are never going to go back to who you were; you’re making space for all of these parts of yourself to coexist in your new life.
Tips for Coping with Return to Work After Maternity Leave
Make a plan
Planning in advance is a huge part of easing the transition back from maternity leave. Write out your childcare arrangements, feeding plan, morning routine and back-up plans. Having it on paper helps reduce decision fatigue and makes it feel more concrete and predictable.
Do a “dry run”
Think about what parts of your plan you can trial ahead of time to see how they feel. Some parents find it helpful to have a nanny start or put their child in daycare a few days or weeks before they actually return to work. If you’re feeding plan is a big change from what you’ve been doing at home, trying out your pumping or bottle schedule can help you feel more confident when the big day comes. Doing a dry run can help you feel less overwhelmed with so much “newness” to adjust to on your first day back.
Communicate with your manager
Be honest about what you need (within your professional boundaries) - it’s important for working moms to be able to feel like it’s possible for them to work while being parents. If you’re not feeling supported by your manager, consider reaching out to your human resources department for more information on what you’re entitled to and how they can help support you. Know your rights when it comes to things like protections for pumping breast milk at work.
Outsource where you can
Now’s a great time to lean on things like grocery delivery, professional house cleaners and dog walkers - even if you don’t want these things to become part of your regular routine and budget, anything you can do to reduce your load at home can be invaluable in easing this transition. The less time you spend being tied up with household chores, the more time you have to spend with your baby in the mornings and evenings. If you have family willing to help out, think about taking them up on their offer to cook you dinner or pet-sit - sometimes, this support can be even more valuable after returning to work than when you first come home from the hospital.
Ask for help
Whether it’s your partner, a friend, a family member, or a therapist, don’t try to weather this transition alone. Talk to your partner about how you’re feeling and what you need, and get support from friends and family who have gone through this transition before. Postpartum therapy (link) can also be a great resource in getting support as you’re returning to work after maternity leave.
Connect with your values
Identifying your values, both from your pre-mom and post-mom life, can be crucial in connecting to your “why” as you return to work. Does returning to work create fulfillment in pursuing ambition and independence? Do you have a job with a mission that you value, or does your work bring you a sense of enjoyment and accomplishment? Maybe you really value the security, predictability and stability that your job provides, or maybe some combination of all of the above. Talking this over with your partner can help you to connect to not just your individual values, but the values you each hold in your family life as well.
Stay present
Going through a major transition can bring up lots of anxiety and future-thinking. Instead of getting caught up in the “what-if” traps, future-predicting and catastrophizing, try to take things one day at a time. It’s impossible to know how you will feel in the future or what your circumstances will be. Trust that you and your family will adapt, change and grow to meet the needs of whatever the future throws your way.
Be patient with yourself
Mom brain is real - sleep deprivation, hormonal shifts and the new ways in which your brain is splitting attention and focus can definitely cause brain fog and cognitive challenges as you adjust to parenthood. Many new moms find that it takes them weeks, or even months before they feel re-acclimated to their old professional roles. Be patient with yourself as you make this transition, both cognitively and emotionally - your brain is trying to integrate two separate sets of activities and tasks, and it takes time to adjust. Talking to friends and coworkers who have made this transition can help normalize the sense of confusion, inadequacy or overwhelm that you might feel when you first return to work.
Remember to Stay Flexible
Any time in life that we feel boxed-in or trapped, like our choices have been taken from us, it is going to bring up a sense of anxiety or unease. Remember that your initial return to work plan doesn't have to be your plan forever, and that even the best plans sometimes change. If it doesn't feel like your initial plan is working for your family, it’s ok to reassess. If you’re unhappy with your childcare situation, there is always the option to change to a different provider. If you find pumping too draining, you don’t have to stick with it forever. Some parents decide to work part-time or even quit working after maternity leave, while others find unexpected joy in working again. All of these choices are valid.
If you do need to change course, try to avoid getting caught in the self-critical or judging traps - it takes a lot of courage to recognize when something isn’t working and make a change.
Therapy for Moms Can Help With Return to Work Stress
If you’re feeling anxious, overwhelmed or depressed about going back to work after maternity leave, therapy can provide a safe space to process the grief, guilt and stress that can come with this transition. As a therapist for moms in Denver, I help moms navigate the anxiety, confusion and role adjustments that come with the postpartum transition and returning to work. Therapy can help you find peace, calm and confidence as you transition into your new role as a working mom. Don’t hesitate to get in touch and learn more about how counseling for moms can help you cope with returning to work after maternity leave.
Related Posts:
How Mindfulness Can Help You Be a More Present Mom
Understanding Postpartum Anxiety
Coping With Working Mom Guilt: The Struggle is Real
The Myth of the Perfect Mother: How to Break Free from Perfectionist Parenting
Mental Health Resources for New Moms in Denver
5 Ways Therapy Can Help Overwhelmed Moms Recovery from Burnout
Postpartum Identity Crisis? Here’s How Postpartum Anxiety Therapy Can Help
Other Services at Root to Rise Therapy:
Other mental health services at Root to Rise Therapy include Therapy for Anxiety, Therapy for Perfectionism, Therapy for People-Pleasing,Cultural Identity Counseling, ADHD Therapy, Counseling for Moms and Postpartum Counseling. I see clients located inColorado, New York and New Jersey. Contact me to learn more about how I can help you overcome anxiety and reclaim your life!
