Therapy for High Achievers in Colorado: Healing from People Pleasing and Perfectionism
If you identify as a high achieving woman, chances are that throughout your life you've been praised over and over again for your ambition, reliability, drive and follow-through. You may have graduated at the top of your class, moved up quickly in your career, or maintained a healthy social circle that you’re at the center of. On the outside, it looks like you have it all together, and many people you know are probably envious of you. But beneath the surface, you may feel the crushing weight of anxiety, perfectionism and people-pleasing - feeling like you can never say no, never let anyone down and have to achieve success at all costs. If you’ve ever felt like your self-worth is tied to your productivity, ability to meet others’ expectations, or how “put together” you seem — you’re not alone.
People-pleasing and perfectionism can slowly chip away at our self esteem, reinforcing the message that we are only worth as much as we achieve or do for others. In this post, we’ll explore how therapy for high achievers in Denver, Boulder, Fort Collins, Greenwood Village and throughout Colorado can help you heal from people pleasing and perfectionism, reconnect with your authentic self, and finally experience the freedom that comes from living for your own values rather than what everyone else expects from you.
The Hidden Costs of High Achievement
High achievers receive so much positive reinforcement from those around them - promotions, good grades, notoriety and acclaim, and praise and respect from everyone around them. High achievers often are well-liked, maintain many healthy relationships (often because they are terrified of what will happen if they don’t) and are the envy of their family and friends. However, there is a flip side - high achievement is also often linked with working long and tiring hours, an unrelenting inner critic, and a deep fear of failure. If you are a high achiever, you may have spent most of your life not even sure what drives you. But after years of carrying on this way, the exhaustion and burnout eventually creep in. You may start to realize that your strive for success is actually motivated by a desire to prove your worth, avoid disapproval, or combat insecurity.
If any of the following sound familiar, you might be dealing with perfectionism or people pleasing as a high achiever:
You say “yes” even when you're totally underwater with commitments so that you don’t let anyone else down
You’re terrified of criticism and tend to fixate on your “mistakes”, re-playing your perceived failings over and over in your head
The bar you hold yourself to is always moving, and you never feel like you’ve achieved “enough”
It’s hard for you to rest or relax without feeling guilty
You struggle to identify your own needs, values and preferences
Many of these patterns may have helped you to find success in your life - you never miss a deadline, friend’s birthday or family party, and everyone around you knows you’re the one to count on. The problem is, they often come at the cost of inner peace, self-compassion and general emotional wellbeing.
What is People Pleasing?
As a people-pleaser, you might explain your intentions as innocent enough - “I just want everyone to be happy!” But for people-pleasers, the desire for others to feel happy, accommodated, or not disappointed leads them to make choices that sacrifice their own needs in order to please others. People-pleasers often feel a deep sense of anxiety when they sense that someone is upset, disappointed, or frustrated with them. They may be driven by an intense fear of others disliking them. To avoid this anxiety, they may fixate on other people’s needs and expectations, totally losing sight of their own values, preferences and boundaries.
Here are some of the ways people-pleasing shows up:
Struggling to say “no”
Avoiding conflict at all costs
Feeling responsible for others people’s emotions
Re-wording messages over and over again, worried about coming off poorly or offending someone
Constantly seeking external validation
Frequently apologizing for things that aren’t your fault to defuse tension
Feeling guilty if you prioritize your own needs
The problem with people-pleasing is not only that it’s exhausting, leaves us feeling constantly anxious and insecure, but saying “yes” all the time to things that you don’t really want to do eventually leads to intense feelings of resentment towards the people closest to you. In therapy for high achievers, we will explore how these patterns developed and how to begin reconnecting with your own needs.
The Pressure to be Perfect
Perfectionism often goes hand-in-hand with people-pleasing. It’s the voice that tells you your best isn’t good enough, that mistakes are unacceptable, or that your value is tied to how much you achieve.
There’s no doubt that holding yourself to high standards can lead to positive outcomes—academic, professional, athletic, and relationship success. You are likely a deeply dedicated friend, and someone that others around you rely on and admire. For high achievers, perfectionism can even feel like a badge of honor (hello, Martha Stewart) - but the flip side is, it’s also incredibly exhausting. Perfectionists often struggle with self-doubt, negative self-talk, and an ever-moving goalpost for success. The pressure can even extend to your relationships, where you may unintentionally hold those around you to similarly high standards. The good news is, if you’re wondering how you can overcome perfectionism as a high achiever, you’re in the right place.
Why People Pleasing and Perfectionism are so Common Among High Achievers
People pleasing and perfectionism often begin in childhood. Maybe you learned that being "good," helpful, getting good grades or excelling at sports earned you praise, while expressing anger, sadness, or asking for help brought rejection. Over time, you may have come to believe that love and acceptance are conditional and need to be earned.
This dynamic can be especially strong in high achievers who grew up in environments where:
Parents held you to exceptionally high standards and academic or athletic achievement were framed as ultimate goals
Emotional needs were not addressed (ie you were ignored, chastised or told to “toughen up” when you were upset)
Mistakes were met with criticism, punishment or shame
Caregivers were explosive, narcissistic or struggled with addiction
As a child growing up in these environments, high achievement, pleasing and caretaking were necessary and adaptive behaviors that you used to have your attachment needs met. Children crave feelings of emotional safety for their survival - this is something that is hard-wired into us as a species. As an adult, these early coping strategies can become ingrained patterns. You may excel outwardly while feeling stuck in cycles of anxiety, self-doubt, and resentment. Therapy for people pleasing and perfectionism helps you untangle these patterns so you can learn to have compassion for yourself, speak your needs and hold healthy boundaries in your relationships.
How Therapy Helps High Achievers Heal
Therapy offers a safe space to explore the roots of your people-pleasing and perfectionism. Together, we’ll look at the messages you’ve internalized over time and begin to challenge the belief that your worth depends on approval and achievement.
In therapy, you can learn to:
Soften your inner critic and develop a more compassionate inner voice
Set healthy boundaries that protect your energy and wellbeing
Identify your own values and make decisions that honor them
Identify sources of self-worth that focus on joy rather than achievement
Get comfortable with mistakes and respond to yourself with compassion and care
Choose healthy relationships with people who value and respect you for who you are
As you do this work, you begin to see that you hold value because you are a human being - not because of what you achieve or do for others.
Start Therapy for High Achievers in Denver, Boulder, Greenwood Village, Fort Collins and throughout Colorado
If you are a high achiever, you know how draining it can be to spend all of your energy saying “yes”, managing others’ emotions and never dropping the ball. If you’re reading this post, you’re likely getting ready to make a change. Therapy for high achievers can help you overcome your perfectionism and people pleasing to find freedom and self-love. Get in touch to learn more about therapy for high achievers in Denver, Boulder, Greenwood Village, Fort Collins and throughout Colorado today.
Therapy for Perfectionism and People Pleasing at Root to Rise Therapy
Victoria at Root to Rise Therapy is a therapist specializing in helping high achieving women heal from anxiety, people-pleasing and perfectionism. You don’t have to live with intense self-criticism, imposter syndrome or a crippling fear of rejection. Victoria will help you embrace your strengths and find healing through therapy for high achievers. She treats women living in Denver, Greenwood Village, Fort Collins and throughout Colorado. Reach out to schedule a free consultation.
Other Services at Root to Rise Therapy:
Other mental health services at Root to Rise Therapy include Therapy for Anxiety, Therapy for Perfectionism, Therapy for People-Pleasing, Cultural Identity Counseling, ADHD Therapy, Counseling for Moms and Postpartum Counseling. I see clients located inColorado, New York and New Jersey. Contact me to learn more about how I can help you overcome anxiety and reclaim your life!
