Why Do I Doubt Myself So Much? (And How to Stop)
Have you ever caught yourself thinking,
“I always say the wrong thing - I should have just kept my mouth shut.”
”I was just lucky last time - it wasn’t because I’m good at this.”
“There’s no point in trying, I’ll probably just fail anyway.”
“I bet they’re annoyed with me and just not saying it.”
“I’m not cut out for this like they are.”
Self-doubt has a sneaky way of creeping into your thoughts, especially when you're facing something new, challenging, or important.
Maybe you’re a mom questioning whether you're doing a good enough job balancing it all (or convinced that you’re not). Or a high achieving woman on the outside, who inside wonders if they’re really skilled enough to belong in the room. Perhaps you feel stuck between wanting more for yourself and worrying you’ll never feel “ready.”
If you're tired of second-guessing yourself, feeling anxious about every decision, and holding yourself back from the life you truly want, this post is for you. Let’s start exploring why you doubt yourself so much - and most importantly, how you can start overcoming self-doubt and reclaim your confidence.
What is Self Doubt?
At its core, self doubt is that lingering feeling of uncertainty about your abilities, decisions, or worth. It’s that nagging internal voice whispering, “I’m going to mess this up” or “I’m probably not cut out for this.”
Self-doubt feels like:
Constantly second-guessing yourself
Overthinking every decision, big or small
Struggling to trust (or even recognize) your instincts
Feeling like everyone has it “more together” than you
Holding back from pursuing goals because you fear failure
While it’s normal to feel unsure at times - especially in new or high-pressure situations - chronic self-doubt can become a constant companion that limits your joy, peace, and potential.
Where Self Doubt Comes From
Self-doubt doesn’t just appear out of nowhere - it’s often shaped by your environment, relationships and life experiences. Understanding where your self-doubt comes from can help get you started on your path to loosening its grip. Here are some of the places self doubt gets its origins:
Childhood Messages
Many women struggling with self-doubt grew up hearing subtle (or not-so-subtle) messages like:
“Don’t be too loud.”
“Be a good girl.”
“Why can’t you be more like ___?”
“You’re too sensitive.”
These messages may have taught you that your worth depended on pleasing others, being perfect, or shrinking yourself to meet others’ needs and expectations. Over time, you may have learned that listening to the voices of other (older, more powerful, male) people was more important than trusting yourself.
Perfectionism
If you’re someone who tends to set impossibly high standards for yourself, self-doubt often follows close behind. A perfectionist mentality creates a harsh inner critic that constantly tells you nothing you do is ever good enough - and keeps you stuck in a never-ending cycle of doubt and “perfecting.”
Comparison Culture
We live in a world where social media constantly shows filtered versions of other people’s lives. It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others and believing you’re falling short - even when you’re doing just fine. Social media only shows a (heavily curated) momentary snap into someone’s “reality” - one that often doesn’t account for all of the messiness, snafus and chaos of real life. If this is the reality you’re striving for, it's always going to feel like you’re falling short. There is always going to be someone better, smarter, faster - instead of trying to be “the best”, we tend to find fulfillment when we focus on doing our best, which takes into account our own circumstances and values.
Trauma or Past Criticism
If you’ve been through difficult or invalidating experiences - such as bullying, toxic relationships, or workplace mistreatment - those life wounds can fuel self-doubt, and make it challenging to feel good about yourself. You may still carry the weight of other people’s harsh words or actions, and hear these messages replaying in your head over and over. Traumatic relationships can even trigger self doubt in people who never struggled with confidence before.
Anxiety and Overthinking
Anxious minds often gravitate toward worst-case scenarios. If you struggle with anxiety, your brain may automatically default to self-doubt as a (misguided) form of protection - to keep you from being “disappointed” if you don’t achieve all you hoped. The problem with this way of thinking is that it’s hard to snap out of - it can actually chip away at the resilience you have to handle tough times when they do, inevitably, happen.
How Self Doubt Keeps You Stuck
Self doubt doesn’t just make you feel bad - it also keeps you stuck in self-defeating cycles that make it harder to achieve what you want to in life. Here are some ways that self-doubt keeps you feeling stuck:
Procrastination and Indecision - When you constantly question yourself, you never feel certain enough to actually take action. You may delay making decisions because you’re terrified of making the wrong choice. This avoidance and indecision can lead to one missed opportunity after another - and may cause confusion and frustration for those closest to you.
People-Pleasing - Self-doubt can make you rely on others for validation. You may find yourself saying "yes" when you want to say "no," or changing your opinions to match others just to avoid conflict. Self doubt can make you fall so deep into the people-pleasing trap that you begin to lose touch with what you even want in the first place, instead defaulting to what others expect from you and wondering why it’s not making you happy.
Burnout and Exhaustion - Trying to prove yourself over and over again - while simultaneously battling that nagging inner critic - is exhausting. Many women with self-doubt push themselves way too hard, trying to overachieve their way out of insecurity. The result? Emotional depletion, exhaustion, and burnout..
Staying Small - Perhaps the most painful effect of self doubt is how it keeps you small, trying to take up as little space as possible. You may avoid applying for that promotion, starting a creative project, or setting boundaries in relationships - just to avoid the risk of failure or rejection. Deep down, you may doubt that you’re really worthy of asking for these things.
Imposter Syndrome and Self Doubt
One of the most common (and frustrating) ways self-doubt shows up is through imposter syndrome - the belief that you're a fraud, and it’s only a matter of time before others "find out."
Imposter syndrome often sounds like:
“I just got lucky.”
“I don’t really belong here.”
“They’re going to realize soon that I’m not as capable as they think.”
“I’m just good at playing the game - I’ve fooled everyone into thinking I’m one of them.”
Even highly accomplished, competent women struggle with imposter syndrome. In fact, the more successful you become, the louder these thoughts may get.
Imposter syndrome tends to thrive in perfectionists, high achievers, and women from marginalized groups who have historically been excluded from certain spaces. It’s a form of self doubt rooted in systemic messaging, not personal failure.
How to Stop Doubting Yourself (Once and For All)
Name the Doubt
The first step in overcoming self-doubt is noticing it. When you catch yourself spiraling into “I can’t do this” thoughts, pause and name it: “This is self-doubt.”
Try to do this gently, without shaming yourself for having these thoughts. Remember, self doubt isn’t a sign of weakness - it’s just a pattern of thinking that your brain has learned over time.
Challenge the Story
Self doubt often comes with rigid, all-or-nothing thinking. Practice asking yourself:
Is this thought 100% true?
What’s the evidence for and against it?
How would I speak to a friend in this situation?
This helps shift you out of emotional reactivity and into a more balanced perspective.
Celebrate Small Wins
Confidence grows through action - not just thinking. Start setting small, achievable goals and celebrate yourself for following through, even if it feels awkward at first. The more evidence you gather that you can trust yourself, the quieter self-doubt becomes.
Practice Self Compassion
Many women with self-doubt have been taught to motivate themselves through criticism. But research shows that self-compassion - treating yourself with kindness, especially when you fail - actually leads to greater resilience and motivation.
When self-doubt shows up, practice saying:
“It’s okay to feel this way.”
“I’m learning and growing.”
“I deserve patience and kindness from myself.”
Limit Comparison Triggers
Take a break from social media accounts or environments that trigger comparison. Curate your digital spaces with voices that uplift you instead of making you feel “less than.” This might include in-person triggers as well - if you have certain friendships or relationships that consistently make you feel insecure, think about if this person needs to take up as much space in your life as you’re currently allowing them. It’s ok to acknowledge that not all relationships in your life are serving you - and allow yourself to take some space.
Take Risks
Don’t wait until you feel “ready” or 100% confident. Push yourself out of your comfort zone and give yourself permission to try things that feel a little bit scary. It’s ok to try, fail and try again - this is how we learn, and eventually get better.
Therapy Can Help You Overcome Self Doubt
If you’ve been struggling with self doubt for years, it’s not your fault - and you don’t have to face it alone. Therapy for self doubt can provide a safe space to explore where these patterns began and how they’re showing up in your life today.
In therapy, you can:
Identify the roots of your self-doubt
Challenge limiting beliefs and internalized messages
Build tools for self-compassion and emotional regulation
Learn how to set boundaries and honor your needs
Reconnect with your inner wisdom and self-trust
Together, we can work toward a life where you feel confident, capable, and grounded - without that constant cloud of second-guessing hanging over you.
You deserve to feel proud of yourself and trust your decisions. And with the right support, it’s absolutely possible.
Ready to Begin Therapy for Self Doubt?
If you’re ready to start overcoming self-doubt and building a more confident, empowered version of yourself, I invite you to reach out. At Root to Rise Therapy, I will help you reconnect with your inner strength and begin moving toward the life you truly deserve. I specialize in helping women and mothers struggling with self doubt, people-pleasing and perfectionism find the confidence to start putting their needs first.
Let’s work together to help you break free from the cycle of self-doubt - and step fully into your worth.
Related Posts:
Healing From People Pleasing and Perfectionism
How to Find Self Love and Leave the Inner Critic Behind
How Anxiety Therapy Can Help with People Pleasing and Self Esteem
The Myth of the Perfect Mother: How to Break Free from Perfectionist Parenting
5 Tips for Overcoming Perfectionism
Present Moment Awareness: Why Living in the Present is Important
Other Services at Root to Rise Therapy:
Other mental health services at Root to Rise Therapy include Therapy for Anxiety, Therapy for Perfectionism, Therapy for People-Pleasing,Cultural Identity Counseling, ADHD Therapy, Counseling for Moms and Postpartum Counseling. I see clients located in Colorado, New York and New Jersey. Contact me to learn more about how I can help you overcome anxiety and reclaim your life!
