Coping with Working Mom Guilt: The Struggle is Real
Working mom guilt is a quiet, constant hum in the background for so many women. It shows up in moments of doubt, in tearful daycare drop-offs, or the moment your nanny tells you that you missed your baby’s first steps. You feel guilty when you accept a promotion, and you feel guilty if you turn it down to have more time with your family. You feel guilty when you put your child in front of the TV so you can meet that last-minute deadline. You feel like you’re failing at your work life and your family life, and the mental list of what you “should” be doing better never ends.
As a therapist and working toddler mom, I get it - the struggle is real. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by guilt and unrealistic expectations, know that you’re not alone. Let’s take a closer look at why working mom guilt is so common - and how you can start to cope.
Identity and Motherhood
Becoming a mother can shake your sense of self in ways you never expected. Who you were before kids might feel far away, and who you are now may feel like a role constantly being redefined.
You might find yourself wondering:
Can I be a present mom and still want something for myself?
If I enjoy work, does that make me less devoted?
Do my kids feel like they’re coming second?
Our culture often defines a “good mother” in narrow, self-sacrificing terms. It tells you that being a good mom means always being available, always cheerful, always putting your child’s needs first. The underlying message being: your needs, your goals and your mental health come second, if at all.
For many women, their careers are more than just a job - they’re a core part of their identity, their self-worth, and their very understanding of themselves. Work can offer a sense of structure, purpose, and personal achievement. And when your identity feels split between who you are at work and who you are at home, guilt becomes the glue trying to hold everything together. For working moms, guilt can hit from both directions - guilt for leaving their baby to go to work, and guilt for not giving work the same attention or energy they once did.
Struggling with Impossible Standards
Many working moms are fighting a battle on two fronts. On one hand, society expects you to parent like you don’t have a job. On the other, it expects you to work like you don’t have kids. To make matters worse, working fathers are often praised for being involved parents, while working mothers are questioned about their priorities.
These double standards (combined with gender bias) can make it feel like you're constantly falling short. You feel guilty when you're at work because you’re not with your kids, and then feel guilty at home for not being fully present because your mind is still at work. It’s a never-ending cycle that’s emotionally exhausting.
Perfectionism often plays a huge role here. You may feel pressure to be the perfect employee, the perfect mom, the perfect partner - all at once. These expectations get reinforced by what you see on social media, where it seems like all the moms you know juggle it all without breaking a sweat. When something inevitably slips, guilt rushes in to tell you you’ve failed.
But the truth is, you’re not failing - you weren’t built to do it all, all at once, and certainly not without support. Family units have become isolated like never before, often cut off from the community and intergenerational support that we have evolved with. Yet so many working moms are holding themselves to impossible expectations, blaming themselves for failing at doing what once “took a village” all on their own.
Why Do We Expect Moms to Feel Guilty?
There’s a cultural script that tells moms to feel guilty whenever they prioritize themselves - whether it’s for rest, pleasure, or professional growth. This script is reinforced everywhere: in media, in family dynamics, and even in subtle workplace messages. There’s a reason the term “mom guilt” is so commonplace - it’s something moms, dads, employers and everyone in between have come to expect for mothers in some way, shape or form.
Mom guilt doesn’t just apply to working moms - moms who stay at home also often end up feeling guilty for taking time for themselves, not contributing financially or letting things get messy at home. It’s no wonder moms today feel like they can’t win. But the guilt you feel is NOT a personal failure - it’s a reflection of a culture that still hasn’t made space for women to be both caregivers and real, whole people.
Tackling Your Working Mom Guilt
Here are some strategies to start tackling your working mom guilt, and stop letting it get the best of you:
Notice the Guilt Narrative
The first step towards tackling working mom guilt is noticing the internal dialogue that reinforces it. Start paying attention to “guilt thoughts” that trigger feelings of guilt, inadequacy and self-doubt. What kinds of things do you say to yourself, just before the guilt shows up? Here are some examples of guilt-based thought patterns:
“I’m a bad mom for missing bedtime.”
“She’ll remember I wasn’t there.”
“Other moms seem to make it work, why can’t I?”
“He likes the nanny more than me.”
Try to challenge these thoughts by asking: Is this 100% true? Is it kind? Is it helpful? If not, can I offer myself a more compassionate alternative? What would I tell a friend who came to me with these thoughts, and why am I treating myself differently?
Respond With Compassion
In addition to challenging these guilt-inducing thought patterns, sometimes what we need most is to respond to ourselves with compassion. Get curious about why you’re feeling so guilty, and respond to yourself with compassion like you would your child. Maybe you’re feeling guilty because you don’t have enough support and are spread too thin. Maybe it’s because you care so much about being the best mother possible that it’s never going to feel like enough. Guilt thoughts don’t usually serve us, but they are usually coming from a good place - wanting to give your child the best life possible. Wanting this for your child makes you a good mom. Trust that you can find a way to do this while maintaining your professional life.
Connect to Your Values
Instead of focusing on where you’re “falling short,” try to connect with your deeper values. Do you value love, connection, growth, responsibility? Is it important to you to model independence, autonomy and balanced gender roles for your child? Sacrificing everything for your child often isn’t what’s best for them - and it teaches them to expect the same of themselves when they grow up. You can honor your values in both your parenting and your work, and this can look many different ways. There is not one “right” way to mother, and loving your kids and loving your job are not mutually exclusive.
Let Go of the “Perfect Mom” Myth
The “perfect mom” is a cultural fantasy - one who always knows what to do, never loses her temper, and somehow balances everything while never needing a break or breaking a sweat. Real moms are messy, tired, resilient, and beautifully imperfect. Your kids don’t need you to be perfect - they need you to be present, honest and human.
Stay Present With Your Kids
When you’re juggling a-million-and-one responsibilities, it can sometimes feel really hard to not be constantly running through a mental checklist of all that “needs” to get done. But when you spend most of your time with your kids feeling so distracted, you get less fulfillment out of each interaction with them, and end up feeling like you’re falling even shorter. Try setting aside time each day in the morning or evening - 15 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour, whatever feels realistic to you - to put away your phone, to-do lists and really focus on being present with your child. They notice when you’re really paying attention, and so will you - quality time leads to more connection and fulfillment than quantity.
Set Boundaries that Serve You
Guilt can lead to people-pleasing, over-functioning and burnout in all areas of your life. You may say yes to every opportunity to volunteer at school, or stay up late catching up on work because you feel you "should." Boundaries are a powerful (and necessary) antidote to guilt. They protect your energy and help you show up more fully in the moments that matter. When possible, really hold yourself accountable to only working a set number of hours per day. Most jobs have “crunch” periods during busy season when you may have to put in some extra hours, but try to be really, really intentional about not letting that become your norm. If you’re someone who’s prone to saying “yes” first and feeling overwhelmed later, try allowing yourself to give a noncommittal, “I need to think about that and get back to you” response first. Then you can take the time to mull it over, look at your calendar and talk to your partner before putting too much on your plate.
Empower Fellow Moms to do the Same
Guilt thrives in silence. Talk to other moms about what you’re feeling, and help give each other permission to not let guilt control your every decision. Sometimes, the ways in which we judge ourselves can translate into judging our peers who are facing the same challenges. Remember that you and your mom friends and mom coworkers are all in this together! Be allies for each other, give each other the benefit of the doubt and be intentional about showing compassion for the challenges you all face as working moms.
Therapy Can Help You Cope with Mom Guilt
If mom guilt is making you feel constantly anxious, exhausted, or disconnected from yourself, therapy can be a safe space to unpack those feelings. It can help you:
Identify the beliefs driving your guilt
Challenge perfectionism and unrealistic standards
Reconnect with who you are outside of being “Mom”
Learn to care for yourself without shame
Navigate transitions with more confidence and clarity
At Root to Rise Therapy, I specialize in working with women who are navigating the stress, overwhelm, and emotional complexity of motherhood. Whether you’re a new mom trying to balance maternity leave, a mom returning to full-time work, or a seasoned parent facing burnout, you deserve compassion and support.
Therapy for Moms at Root to Rise Therapy
For moms who struggle with feeling guilty, inadequate or like you’re doing this all alone, I don’t want this for you! Therapy can help. You’re not a bad mom for working. You’re not a bad mom for wanting space. You’re not a bad mom for needing help. You’re a human being doing your best in a world that expects too much from moms and gives too little.
If you’re ready to shift the guilt and build a more grounded, joyful experience of motherhood, I’m here for you. Reach out today to schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation and find out how you can stop letting mom guilt, burnout and overwhelm rule your life.
Related Posts:
How Mindfulness Can Help You Be a More Present Mom
How to Cope with Return to Work After Maternity Leave
The Myth of the Perfect Mother: How to Break Free from Perfectionist Parenting
5 Ways Therapy Can Help Overwhelmed Moms Recovery from Burnout
Postpartum Identity Crisis? Here’s How Postpartum Anxiety Therapy Can Help
Other Services at Root to Rise Therapy:
Other mental health services at Root to Rise Therapy include Therapy for Anxiety, Therapy for Perfectionism, Therapy for People-Pleasing,Cultural Identity Counseling, ADHD Therapy, Counseling for Moms and Postpartum Counseling. I see clients located in Colorado, New York and New Jersey. Contact me to learn more about how I can help you overcome anxiety and reclaim your life!