Are You An Anxious Perfectionist? How Therapy in Colorado Can Help
Do you ever feel like nothing you do is ever “enough”, no matter how hard you try? Maybe you spend hours overthinking an email or obsessing over the tiniest detail on a project, because the thought of making a mistake or coming off poorly feels unbearable. You feel a strong drive to succeed, and feel as though you always have to take more onto your plate. Your perfectionism may spill over into relationships - feeling like you have to choose the “perfect” partner, or put endless energy into maintaining a large circle of friends. You push yourself to keep achieving, keep improving, and keep it all together - but underneath it all, you’re exhausted, anxious, and terrified to let go. If this sounds familiar, you might be an anxious perfectionist. While perfectionism can look like “having it all together” from the outside, inside it can feel like a constant, overwhelming pressure to prove yourself - and never quite feeling like you’re measuring up.
If you’re ready to understand where your perfectionism is coming from (and how to stop letting the fear of not being “perfect” rule your life), you’re in the right place. In this post, we’ll explore the challenges that anxious perfectionists face, the relationship between anxiety and perfectionism, and how you can overcome your perfectionism anxiety, including through therapy.
What is an Anxious Perfectionist?
Anxious perfectionists are people who set incredibly (often impossibly!) high standards for themselves, often driven by fear and anxiety rather than passion or ambition. You may believe that if you do everything “right”, you’ll finally feel worthy, safe, or accepted. But in reality, perfectionism rarely leads to the sense of accomplishment or joy that you’re chasing - instead, it sets you up for a constant cycle of anxiety, self-criticism, and burnout.
Signs you might be an anxious perfectionist include:
Spending hours re-checking your work or second-guessing your decisions.
Avoiding tasks altogether because the fear of failure feels paralyzing.
Feeling like your worth as a person depends on your achievements.
Constantly comparing yourself to others, and feeling like you don’t measure up.
Struggling to celebrate your wins because you’re already focused on the “next thing” to improve.
Feeling like you have to put endless energy into your relationships and bend over backwards, otherwise others will lose interest in you.
Many anxious perfectionists appear extremely successful on the outside - they’re the high-achievers, the reliable ones, the people who seem to have it all together. But beneath the surface, they’re often struggling with anxiety, self-doubt, and are terrified of letting others down.
Getting to the Root of Your Perfectionism
Perfectionism doesn’t appear out of nowhere - often, it develops as a way to cope with difficult emotions or life experiences. For many people, perfectionism starts early in life - maybe you were praised for being the “good kid” who excelled in school and kept your parents happy. Or perhaps you grew up in an environment where mistakes weren’t tolerated, and you learned to equate success with love or approval.
Sometimes, you’re able to keep your perfectionism anxiety in balance throughout most of your life, and then the stress of a big life transition throws things out of whack. Things like becoming a parent or starting a new high-pressure job can make you feel overwhelmed by the pressure to do everything “right”, just at a time when everything is new and unfamiliar. The stakes feel higher than ever, and your brain tells you that if you just do everything perfectly, the anxiety and overwhelm will go away.
At its core, perfectionism is often connected to a deep fear of not being enough. It might sound like:
“If I fail, people will see I’m not capable.”
“I can’t relax because there’s always something more I should be doing.”
“If I’m not perfect, everyone will be disappointed in me.”
Letting these kinds of thoughts rule your life can easily make you feel like you’re “performing” rather than living.
Is Perfectionism Caused By Anxiety?
Perfectionism and anxiety are closely connected. Anxiety and fear are often at the root of perfectionism - driving you to avoid mistakes, judgment or failure, so that you don’t have to deal with the discomfort that arises when these things happen. For example, if you’re anxious about how others see you, you might overcompensate by working harder, pushing yourself beyond your limits, or obsessively checking for errors to try and control their perception.
But on the flip side, perfectionism can also cause anxiety. When you’re constantly pushing yourself to do more, work harder, and never rest, it’s natural to feel tense, restless, or on edge.
In other words, perfectionism and anxiety feed off one another. The more anxious you feel, the more you push yourself to be perfect to try and make your anxiety go away. The more pressure you put on yourself to be perfect, the more anxious you become. We can convince ourselves that if we only just do everything “perfectly”, we won’t feel anxious - but instead, perfectionism tends to feed into, reinforce, and exacerbate our anxiety.
How Perfectionism Actually Makes Anxiety Worse
At first, you might reap some benefits of perfectionism - it can motivate you to work hard and strive for excellence. But over time, it usually has the opposite effect - it can leave you paralyzed, burned out, and never feeling like what you do is enough.
Here’s how perfectionism can worsen anxiety:
You’re never satisfied with your accomplishments. Even when you succeed, you find reasons to doubt yourself or raise the bar even higher.
You live in constant fear of failure. The thought of making mistakes can lead to intense stress, procrastination, or avoidance, especially if you never allow yourself to experience them.
You overwork yourself. Trying to do everything perfectly often means you’re sacrificing rest, self-care, and your mental health. You might even find yourself feeling confused about what you really want, or what your true values are.
You don’t allow yourself to make mistakes. The idea of making mistakes starts to feel totally foreign to you. You become overly cautious, and avoid taking healthy risks or learning from failure.
Anxious perfectionism can also make it hard to connect with others. When you’re always focused on being “good enough,” you might avoid being vulnerable, asking for help, or admitting when you’re struggling. Your loved ones notice that you have a “wall up” and struggle to connect with you. This can leave you feeling isolated and misunderstood - even when you have a strong support system.
Overcoming Your Perfectionism
The good news is that perfectionism doesn’t have to be a permanent part of who you are. With the right tools, you can learn how to break free from the cycle of anxiety and self-criticism.
Here are some steps to start shifting perfectionist patterns:
Notice your inner critic. Pay attention to the harsh, judgmental voice in your head. Ask yourself, “Would I talk to a friend this way?”
Challenge unrealistic standards. Perfection isn’t possible—and it’s not the goal. Start experimenting with “good enough” instead of perfect.
Practice self-compassion. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, especially when you make mistakes.
Learn to sit with discomfort. Perfectionism often arises from a fear of failure or disapproval. Therapy can help you build tolerance for these uncomfortable feelings without letting them control you.
Celebrate progress, not perfection. Acknowledge your efforts and accomplishments, even when things don’t go perfectly.
Healing from anxious perfectionism is not about lowering your standards or giving up your goals. It’s about finding a healthier, more balanced way to approach life - one where you can rest, enjoy your successes, and know that your worth isn’t tied to your achievements. For even more tips, check out my full post on overcoming perfectionism .
Therapy for Anxious Perfectionists in Colorado
If you’re tired of feeling stuck in the never-ending cycle of anxiety and perfectionism, therapy can help you stop it in its tracks. At Root to Rise Therapy in Colorado, we provide compassionate counseling that will help you to:
Explore the root cause of your perfectionism.
Understand the role anxiety plays in your life
Learn tools to quiet your inner critic and build self-confidence
Develop healthier boundaries and coping tools
Finally allow yourself to be enough, just as you are
As a therapist in Colorado, I specialize in helping women who struggle with anxiety, self-doubt, and perfectionism. I know how hard it can be to let go of the pressure to do everything perfectly, especially when it feels like your success or worth depends on it. Therapy is a place where you can put down that heavy burden, identify the roots of your perfectionism, and start to feel more grounded, confident, and free.
If you’re ready to break free from anxious perfectionism, therapy in Denver, Boulder, Littleton and throughout Colorado can help. Contact me today to schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation - I can’t wait to help you get started!
Related Posts:
5 Tips for Overcoming Perfectionism
Overcoming Perfectionism as a Colorado Athlete
The Myth of the Perfect Mother: How to Break Free from Perfectionist Parenting
Therapy for High Achievers: Healing from People Pleasing and Perfectionism
How Therapy Can Help You Find Self Love and Leave the Inner Critic Behind
Why Do I Doubt Myself So Much? (And How to Stop)
Other Services at Root to Rise Therapy:
Other mental health services at Root to Rise Therapy include Therapy for Anxiety, Therapy for Perfectionism, Therapy for People-Pleasing, Cultural Identity Counseling, ADHD Therapy, Counseling for Moms and Postpartum Counseling. I see clients located in Colorado, New York and New Jersey. Contact me to learn more about how I can help you overcome perfectionism and reclaim your life!
